When should RSVPs be due for a wedding, and how to get every reply

Ask your venue and caterer when they need final numbers. It is usually two to three weeks before the wedding, sometimes ten days, sometimes a month. The seating plan, the place cards, the transport and the favours all need the same numbers, often a little later.

1. Find the earliest date a supplier needs your numbers. It is usually the caterer's.
2. Take a week or two off it, for chasing. That is your reply deadline.
3. Send the invitations three to five weeks before the deadline, so guests have time without having so much that they forget.

For most weddings close to home that puts the deadline three to four weeks before the day. For a wedding abroad, six to eight weeks: boats, transfers and venues abroad want numbers sooner.

Three to five weeks is the window that works. Less and people with travel or childcare to arrange cannot answer in time; more and the invitation goes into the pile of things to do later, and later becomes the week after the deadline.

Write the deadline as a date, "Kindly reply by 14 May", never as a distance. Nobody counts backwards on your behalf.

One reminder about a week before the deadline brings in most of the missing replies. Give a reason with it: "The venue needs our numbers on the 21st." People answer a real deadline faster than a nudge.

With a deadline set on MyEventOS and the All-in plan, an email reminder goes once, some days before it, to each guest on your list who has not answered, and to each guest who answered maybe and left an address. The filter over your guest list shows the people who opened the invitation and have not replied, so your own messages go only to them.

The day after the deadline, the people still missing get a personal message or a call. By then it is a short list, and most of it is people who meant to and forgot.

Someone always does not answer. Call them, or ask a member of their side of the family to. If you still cannot reach them by the time numbers are due, decide, and tell them kindly what you decided.

"We haven't heard from you, so we've assumed you can't make it. If that's wrong, tell us by Friday and we'll find you a seat." Most couples count a silent guest as not coming. It is fairer to the caterer's bill than counting them as yes, and the message usually brings an answer.

A guest who answers after the deadline is still a guest. If there is room, say yes and update the numbers; if the caterer's list has closed, say so honestly and see what can be done. A plate can often be added a few days late; it can rarely be added on the morning.

Answers change too: a yes becomes a no when someone is ill, a maybe becomes a yes. On MyEventOS a guest who reopens the invitation on the same phone is offered Edit my reply, and their row in your guest list changes in place rather than adding a second one.