How to say no kids on a wedding invitation, politely
6 min read
An adults only wedding is a common choice and a perfectly kind one. The trouble is rarely the decision; it is the sentence. Said in the right place and the right tone, it barely registers. Printed in capitals on the card, it reads like a sign on a gate.
Let the names say it first
The clearest way to say who is invited is to name them. An invitation to "Maria and Petros Andreou" invites two people; one to "the Andreou family" invites everyone under their roof. Most parents read the name before anything else, and most understand.
On a digital invitation the name is the one on the guest's own link, and the places are the ones the reply offers. If Maria and Petros can reply for two people and no more, the question mostly answers itself.
Wording for the invitation
If you want a line on the invitation, keep it to one, put it near the reply details, and make it warm.
- "Adults only reception."
- "We love your little ones, but our celebration is for adults only."
- "While we adore your children, we have chosen to make our day an adults only occasion."
- "We hope this gives you a night off. Our wedding is adults only."
- "Respectfully, an adults only celebration."
Choose the one that sounds like something you would say out loud. Avoid "no children allowed" and anything in capitals: the rule is the same, the tone is not.
Better places than the card
The website, or the questions page of a digital invitation, has room for the reason as well as the rule, and nobody reads it as a notice.
"Can we bring our children? We love them, but we have decided to keep our day adults only, so that everyone, parents included, can relax and enjoy the evening. We hope you can make it a night off."
The reply can carry it too. "We have saved two seats in your honour" says how many without saying who is not invited.
Tell parents early. A line on the save the date gives them months to arrange childcare, and for a wedding abroad it may decide whether they can come at all.
Exceptions, said before anyone asks
Most adults only weddings have some: babies in arms, the couple's own children, a flower girl or a page boy, nieces and nephews. Exceptions are fine. Exceptions nobody was told about are what hurt, because guests notice them on the day.
Say who they are in the same place you explain the rule: "Our day is adults only, with the exception of babies under a year and the children in our wedding party." A guest who knows the rule before the wedding takes it as a rule, not as a judgement.
Making it easier to say yes
Parents who want to come need help to. A list of local babysitters, a hotel with a children's club, a room at the venue with a sitter for the evening: any of them turns a hard no into a yes. Even a list of numbers on the website shows you thought about it.
When someone asks anyway
Answer warmly, directly and once. "We would love to have them, but we have kept the whole day adults only, so we cannot make exceptions. We really hope you can still come." Do not apologise at length and do not debate. If they decline, accept it with grace: it is a real cost for them too.
Do
- Address every invitation to the people invited, by name
- Explain on the website or the reply page
- Tell parents early, with the save the date
- Name the exceptions, if there are any
Don't
- Write NO KIDS in capitals on the card
- Make exceptions quietly and hope nobody notices
- Ask a parent to pass the rule on to the others
- Argue with a guest who declines because of it
Collect the answers while you are at it
MyEventOS turns the invitation, the RSVP and the guest list into one link, and counts the replies as they land. Free to design, free to send, and the first ten replies are included.
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